Camping mischief

Another fun adventure with mum, but this time its a road trip with the promise of camping and mud!

I must admit to being slightly apprehensive given all previous camping trips have involved an evil sailing boat that mum keeps trying to persuade me is fun. Let me state for the record - boats are not fun! Neither is jumping off a boat onto the bank only to fall into the river and be fished out by your mum! The result was a very wet, humiliated and traumatised puppy!

Since that eventful day I am proud to say I have not set paw on or near a boat.

Anyway, that aside, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and late Tuesday evening we set off for Wales to see mums biological dad and drop off a rat cage. I know its bizarre but stay with me. We drove well into the night with mum taking regular stops so that I could experience the weird concoction of smells that is a service station - namely greasy food, sweat and lorry fumes. All rather delightful. It was exspecially kind of mum to bring a MacDonald's into the car for me to salivate over for the rest of the journey. One pointer though, if mum had applied common sense and not had joint water stops we likely wouldn’t have had to stop every hour for joint wee wee stops! We finally arrived at 12:30, long after my bedtime and I quickly made myself at home. Having been rudely insulted by the host who called me lazy, I was soon zonked out with my mum on the floor. Selfishly nobody had thought to bring me a sleeping bag.

We woke with the excitement of breakfast (croissants for them, and biscuits with no fresh mince for me) and then after a potter about the town, set off to source rats. Given mum had previously mentioned I had especially soft and sexy jowls perfectly designed for retrieving critters I was quite excited to pursue my first rat hunt. The reality was very different, I was cooped up in the car for another 15 minutes, they went to some housing estate and 5 minutes later back they come with a box and two tiny 5 week old morsels. Not being allowed out at the time, I missed Mark (Maria’s biological dad) dropping his newly bought rat, and having to catch it by its tail, with the result it bit him just seconds into their relationship – not the best start. While the others went to some craft centre I had a nice chat with the rats, newly named Fang and Banksy and I would like to say we are now firm friends. I do feel slightly guilty for thinking they were food. 

We had a little home warming for them and then ventured out to the park for a picnic where I met Bruno the chocolate lab. We hit it off from the start and had great fun playing in the pond, disrupting the fisherboy and generally getting up to mischief, making our mums run circles round us. Mum implied I wasn’t going to be the nicest person to share a tent with, but I have no idea why?

All this fun was then followed with more driving, I can see this is a major disadvantage to road trips. Mum kept telling me we were nearly there but on arriving at the campsite was told:

• You’re too late
• Don’t take dogs
• Don’t take tents
• The restaurant is closed

Wow that’s forward planning for you! So more driving, a random natter with a coach driver and we have two new plans:

1. Comfy guest house with four poster beds and full English breakfast 
2. Empty farmers field with no basic amenities

Yay for option 2! It cost just £3 and mum spent the saved money on treats for me. It was just super, we pitched the tent next to a river (well mum did) and it had this stick randomly caught in some rope tied to one the thick branches, Despite pulling and pulling I just couldn’t get it free, then mum made it even harder by sitting on it and swinging out over the river! It was great fun trying to catch her though.

Hey come here you!

Yay got her!

Of course I did get a little wet from all this river frolicking but since when has this bothered me? I rather like getting wet and was quite content to sit out in the rain, but oh no mum said I had to come to bed, despite it only being 8pm. Obviously sensing my disappointment at not having my own sleeping bag she wrapped me in the picnic blanket to keep me warm (and her dry no doubt). I slept wonderfully, and by morning had expanded my measly bottom of the tent territory to a more equal share with mum squashed at the top to give me sufficient ' leg spread' room. Stretched out I'm taller than her so it is only fair I have more of the tent.

Given it was still raining mum let me play while she packed up the tent and sorted breakfast. She then concluded it was a good idea to source coffee, so we drove to Ashbourne and found a  nice market to have a sniff about. I was made a right fuss over being the handsome chap I am, and mum looked like a right old farmers wife, I'm not even sure she had bothered to brush her hair - talk about letting me down!

It was probably a good idea then to hide from the public and embark on an 8 mile walk through Dovedale Valley which was just stunning. It drizzled the whole way which kept me cool and my ever organised mum hadn't bought a rain coat so got nice and wet too. They have odd quirks up there though, what with the boot plant pots and habit of lodging coins into tree stumps. It made for an interesting walk, and mum even did some climbing.

One of my favourite photos

Does it count as pocket money if I can the pennies out?

Ha ha wimpy scrambling on wet trees

Sitting pretty :)

Bless her, she was quite proud of how much we had achieved in two days, and we celebrated with more treats, which was a good thing really given she had promised me a 2.5 hour drive back and it took 4!

Still I can't complain it was great fun, and no doubt she will have another daft adventure up her sleeve again soon.

Woof woof and much love,

Jasper xxx

Sun, Sea and Manure

Yay a mummy day! This calls for a big adventure and as she is the soppy sort, she got all nostalgic and at the first sight of sun decided it was time for a return trip to Horsey beach.

As a mere tot of a pup, me mum introduced me to the wonderfully squishy world of sand, that is the beach. What brilliant fun that is for running around on, however it seems to peter out to this huge horrible wet thing that seems to go on for miles. Being either daft or naive of this strange blue things power, she, after much coaxing to come 'paddle', instead scooped me up and held me aloft the white frothy scary stuff. I felt a huge sympathy for sacrificial lambs at that point as I really had no idea what she was up to.

Anyway I survived and the evidence was caught on camera, I am guessing to provide evidence to my dad of mummies irresponsible and dangerous behaviour.

So 1 year on, and I'm a big strong boy now (despite my mum still insisting on calling me baby, even in front of my friends!). After some great fun running up and down the dunes, a superb game of football (although I obviously got all my killer tackling skills from my dad) and a lovely picnic with lots of doggy treats, my barmy mum stages a reenactment of the sea scoop sacrifice. I am older and wiser and am still not coaxed into the freezing cold massive wet void, so with every ounce of strength she has, mummy scooped me up.

Warning to viewers of this photo, mummy was totally ignoring the very cold wind instead choosing to be ever optimistic and bring her bathing costume. Fortunately for her, her more sensible friend brought spare jumpers so at least the top half of her body was warm. Honestly you would not believe the number of times I have told her to stop shaving. She has a lot of hair to grow if she wants the 'dogs look like their owners' saying to hold true with us. Her little highlights aren't fooling anyone!


Anyway the day was going better than I could have hoped for, and then mum decides we need to go back to the dreaded car. At a very leisurely pace, I take a diverted route and find the most amazing pile of sweet smelling manure. Oh the JOY!! Roll, Roll Ecstasy that is manure rolling. I was so chuffed, my cologne de poo, was sure to attract all the girls and be the envy of any boy dogs. Then mum saw me....in fairness it was more a resigned 'oh Jasper' with just a hint of exasperation given the 45 minute drive home in a hot car. Seriously don't knock it till you have tried it - manure rolling is brilliant!

My mum had other ideas. In league with the local pub landlord she attempted to set a ruddy hose on me! After many failed attempts and the smearing of a lot of my cologne on her jeans, she yet again took of her trousers and in her knickers and jumper chased me, sat on me and had her friend attack me with the hose. I retaliated and managed to pull her across the road into the beer garden where people were having their lunch. I then played dead acting as a dead weight so she really struggled to lift me. Ha ha to her, in humiliating me and wasting all my effort of manure rolling, I managed to at at least embarrass her as a little boy asked his mum, 'can I go and laugh at the lady?'. Sadly I have to concede that with much effort mum managed to rid me of most of my manure.


I suppose the saving grace was that I was at least presentable enough to go into a pub and have a chunk of mummies steak - YUM!


Bonza day :)