As a mere tot of a pup, me mum introduced me to the wonderfully squishy world of sand, that is the beach. What brilliant fun that is for running around on, however it seems to peter out to this huge horrible wet thing that seems to go on for miles. Being either daft or naive of this strange blue things power, she, after much coaxing to come 'paddle', instead scooped me up and held me aloft the white frothy scary stuff. I felt a huge sympathy for sacrificial lambs at that point as I really had no idea what she was up to.
Anyway I survived and the evidence was caught on camera, I am guessing to provide evidence to my dad of mummies irresponsible and dangerous behaviour.
So 1 year on, and I'm a big strong boy now (despite my mum still insisting on calling me baby, even in front of my friends!). After some great fun running up and down the dunes, a superb game of football (although I obviously got all my killer tackling skills from my dad) and a lovely picnic with lots of doggy treats, my barmy mum stages a reenactment of the sea scoop sacrifice. I am older and wiser and am still not coaxed into the freezing cold massive wet void, so with every ounce of strength she has, mummy scooped me up.
Warning to viewers of this photo, mummy was totally ignoring the very cold wind instead choosing to be ever optimistic and bring her bathing costume. Fortunately for her, her more sensible friend brought spare jumpers so at least the top half of her body was warm. Honestly you would not believe the number of times I have told her to stop shaving. She has a lot of hair to grow if she wants the 'dogs look like their owners' saying to hold true with us. Her little highlights aren't fooling anyone!
Anyway the day was going better than I could have hoped for, and then mum decides we need to go back to the dreaded car. At a very leisurely pace, I take a diverted route and find the most amazing pile of sweet smelling manure. Oh the JOY!! Roll, Roll Ecstasy that is manure rolling. I was so chuffed, my cologne de poo, was sure to attract all the girls and be the envy of any boy dogs. Then mum saw me....in fairness it was more a resigned 'oh Jasper' with just a hint of exasperation given the 45 minute drive home in a hot car. Seriously don't knock it till you have tried it - manure rolling is brilliant!
My mum had other ideas. In league with the local pub landlord she attempted to set a ruddy hose on me! After many failed attempts and the smearing of a lot of my cologne on her jeans, she yet again took of her trousers and in her knickers and jumper chased me, sat on me and had her friend attack me with the hose. I retaliated and managed to pull her across the road into the beer garden where people were having their lunch. I then played dead acting as a dead weight so she really struggled to lift me. Ha ha to her, in humiliating me and wasting all my effort of manure rolling, I managed to at at least embarrass her as a little boy asked his mum, 'can I go and laugh at the lady?'. Sadly I have to concede that with much effort mum managed to rid me of most of my manure.
I suppose the saving grace was that I was at least presentable enough to go into a pub and have a chunk of mummies steak - YUM!
Bonza day :)
